Last year I found a text message on my boyfriends phone showing he had made contact with a women. He denied the text saying it was a mate using his phone I asked his mate he denied it, instead of coming clean he kept on denying it and changed his story so many times, as I did not have any proof I gave him the benefit of doubt even though I knew deep down he was lying. After this I no it was wrong but I bugged his phone, I was so shocked when I found out he was texting another women and they were also sending each other private photas of themselves. When I confronted him he said it had just been drunken fun and it didnt mean anything the girl must have been about 20 stone and was a barmaid in a pub. I threw him out but he tortured me to take him back teling me how much he loved me and it was just daft fun that got out of hand I know no physical contact took place cos I read all the texts he had deleted. He said he done it to see how far he could go but because he didnt actually cheat phyically I thought we could work it out he generally seemed full of remorse. This was over a year ago so once again when I checked his deleted texts I have found out he is texting another girl who is a friend of my sister in Law, we seen her at a funeral 3 weeks ago so he must have given her his phone number that day whilst I was out with him, this time he is telling her she is special and he loves her to bits how could he do this to me right under my nose I am gutted I cant tell him I know as I want to see how far he would go. I know after the new year I am going sell my house it is in my name only and leave him without him knowing, all that is in my mind is why? we have been together 11 years and I feel I never really knew him at all.
Next time, trust your gut. Even if he seemed "full of remorse" something is going on or you wouldn't have found more recent texts.
It's not just "daft fun" ttext cheating with no contacto text other women and trade naked pictures. He's trying to make what he did sound not so bad by saying "it wasn't physical"....
How do you know it wasn't? He's been lying about the texts, I'm sure he's lying about other things as well. Let him go and get your life together.
I'm going to make this simple. Leave him. I don't want to be harsh, but he doesn't care about you. He's just playing you like a fiddle. You must leave him. I know you have so much history together, but the past doesn't determine the future. The future is only determined by the commitment he makes in the presence. And his present actions doesn't seem like you have much of a future together.
You should pretend everything is okay, and do the same to him but with one of your friends so there is no harm. Change your ways with him until he thinks suspicious is going on, hopefully he will check your phone and be like OMG! Then your like "it hurts don't it, your lucky it's just a prank!" Good luck on whatever you do!
I wish I could tell you why men do the things that they do. However, you are right to be thinking of leaving. Obviously this is a behavior that he is repeating again and again and he isn't going to stop. You deserve better. Good luck to you in all that you do. I'm sure that you will find someone who will be worthy of your complete trust.
Don't take this guy back again, since he didn't learn his lesson the first time!
Well after 11yrs if you cant trust him now you never will ???
Its not nice to av to keep checkin up on him like that .
Trust is a very precious and fragile thing. It's something you have to earn and at least for me, once it's gone, it's gone. I'm a firm believer in past behavior as the best indicator of future behavior. I recently left my SO after four years together. He always insisted how honest he was (never trust anyone who has to make their honesty a strong point-it's in thtext cheating with no contacte walk, not the talk), but I'd always had suspicions due to some red flags I mistakenly chose to ignore. I'd discovered in an online search that there were pictures of him on a social site, though He'd never mentioned a social site to me, so of course I asked about it. He denied he belonged to one, and I wanted to trust him so I dropped it. But as it always ends, a mutual friend eventually invited me to the same site. When i joined, I found he was there also, and had been for two years. He had joined only hours after I'd left his arms (an LDR) when I'd flown out to see him. He had filled it out as single and looking to date, and not only had he not invited me or mentioned it (for obvious reasons), he'd invited other women to it. Then of course he'd lied about it when i had asked months ago, so it's obvious he couldn't be trusted anymore. Oh sure, I heard the same nothing ever happened spiel, but that isn't the point. As far as I was concerned the intent was there, along with lies by omission and commission. After that, there is no use going back for more...if they are willing to disrespect the first time, they'll disrespect you more if you go back. If they are that into collecting women so they gen get their adulation fix, I'd rather not invest any further in a liar and cheat. For you, the intent was also there...you will be doing yourself a favor by leaving. We can't trust our self esteem and future happiness to someone who obviously wants to cheat! I wish I could answer why they do this, but the only thing i can come up with is simple selfishness, and a blatant lack of morals and respect (and that includes their own self respect).
Believe me, I really do feel your pain...
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